Already got asked if we're dating
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
