you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
