now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
false alarm. still invincible.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
