I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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