We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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