just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
