Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
