i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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