Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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