FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
