her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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