whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
