Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
