i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Randomize
