Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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