i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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