If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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