"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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