I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
