we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
