Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
