pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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