Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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