This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
