Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
