Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
