I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
