so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My balls are so social today.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I came so hard my ears popped.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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