You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
