I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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