Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
