My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
