It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
