Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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