That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
