Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize