Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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