I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
