I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
