Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
