Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
