Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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