So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
