everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
