I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
