dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No subtext here. People are naked.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sorry about my life...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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