I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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