at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
