I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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