I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
