i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
