just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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