I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
