i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
