I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
