who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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