I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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