I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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