this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
