oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
