Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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