If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is Oprah even human
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize