Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
