this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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