I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm passing your future prison.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
