Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
