just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
