im about as happy as oj after his trial
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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