At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize