3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
