11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
